MY DEAR VIOLENCE
"I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me and this huge anger took over me. I grabbed the knife that I was using to cut the meat and stabbed him in the arm. I just wanted him to feel the same pain I was feeling. But I swear Nicole I never thought he was going to die because of this!”. A 19-year-old girl was saying this to me while I was inviting her to participate in our meditation and stress release group at the women's prison ”Buen Pastor" in Asunción that I was guiding at the time.
"But do you feel that this vengeance actually helped you release the pain?" I asked.
What she said was so raw, unfiltered and clear.
She said that the first minute felt incredibly well. The suffering disappeared and she could just feel the adrenaline of power. She had finally won the fight!
"But right after the feeling of revenge, the suffering returned even stronger. And not even the memory of revenge satisfied me. On the contrary, there was more suffering, regret, shame and in my case the consequence of being in jail” she told me with tears in her eyes.
We constantly hear about ISIS attacks and we get videos about Latin-American Cartel's torturing and killing adults or even children.
Two weeks ago a friend of mine was leaving a nightclub when he was attacked out of nowhere by a man who completely disfigured his face. This man just left my friend unconscious, lying on the floor, as if nothing had happened. I felt so much frustration and i just wanted justice or the same thing to happen to this violent man.
I’m writing this because I’m sure that with these situations I just mentioned we all feel the same emotions: frustration and anger. All we want is for the violent people to disappear from this world or at least to suffer from what they did to others. We want justice. But I feel that justice doesn't eliminate the anger and helplessness that we are feeling inside. It all starts with us repressing all the rage. That’s why there are people who find satisfaction by destroying someone’s face for example.
As kids it's natural to yell or hit the pillow and have temper tantrums when we get angry. But as we grow up we are told that feeling anger is not appropriate so we hide it or transform it into sadness. Or that feeling anger is for men and sadness is for women.
As adults we all learn to take a deep breath, count to 10 and try to calm ourselves down with the idea that “justice will be done" or that "everything happens for a reason". When in reality we are just suppressing that burst of anger that comes right up from the stomach. Anger, like any other emotion, can be manifested in small and almost "insignificant" moments. Like when your football team loses, or when you can’t find your credit card, or your partner is late for dinner... again. Or even in stronger moments like when thieves break into your home and steal everything or when a beloved person gets killed because of a drunk driver.
All humans feel anger. The difference is that some people repress it and accumulate it so much that it turns into extreme violence. Sometimes we even cling to the rage that we are feeling because we believe that it will give us the strength to seek justice. But that's like having our own ISIS within us, all the time. That's poison!
I think it's so important to be aware and to not judge ourselves when we are angry. IT’S ONLY AN EMOTION! They are already within you and there are some situations or some people that detonate them. And sooner or later they need to be released and expressed. We don’t have to be so harsh and violent with ourselves by represing them.
HOW OFTEN DO WE ASK OURSELVES HOW ARE WE GOING TO ELIMINATE THE VIOLENCE OF THE WORLD??!!
I love this answer from the spiritual guru Isha Judd:
"The only way to eliminate violence in the world is if everyone takes responsibility for the anger that they are feeling inside. If everyone is responsible for their own violence, there is no violence in the world!"
ITS SIMPLE, THE FIRST STEP IS TO RELEASE INTERNAL VIOLENCE.
So when you feel anger do not swallow it or release it towards someone. Be loving and responsible, try something new and go for a run, hit a punching bag or a mattress, scream on a pillow! Anger is only energy that needs to get out of your body. And after releasing it, we can say what we think or feel but without all that burden of rage and frustration. You will see an enormous difference. Being responsible of our own anger is actually choosing to love ourselves and the world.
I believe these small changes can make THE change we seek.
Because in reality, we all have the same potential to be ISIS or be like Buddha or Isha! But it’s up to you to choose which one you're going to be.
Have a great Monday!
#freedom #love #anger #emotions #lifeisbeautiful #myhonestdiary